Where Would I Be…?


Have you ever thought about where you would be if things were different in your life?  I know that many of us  often go there…thinking about where we would be if this or that was different.  Where would I be if I had more money, where would I be if I had a better job.  As a single-mom I know the thought can often go to where would I be if my husband hadn’t left or if I had a spouse to help with the daily tasks of work, house, and kids.  It is inevitable that we go there from time to time.  But, doing this really isn’t very productive.  It brings feelings of depression, of anger, it can bring feelings of jealousy at what others have.  In reality, it does nothing  more than bring you to the edge of the slippery slope of self-pity and despair.

However, there is another way to ask this question.  One that can bring joy instead of sorrow, gratitude instead of jealousy, life instead of death.

That  is…Where would I be without God?

The other day I was driving in my car just listening to music and running some errands for a busy weekend ahead. I had just finished up a very busy week at work.  Our church had our annual Vacation Bible School last week.  We had a little over 200 kids attend and it was an amazing week.  It was also a very exhausting week!  But as I was driving on Friday after it was all over, I really got to thinking about where I was in my life.  I got to thinking about some of the amazing things that God has done in my life.  I thought about how I couldn’t have gotten through this week without His strength and as I thanked him for that, I really started thinking about where I would be without Him.

This isn’t a question I take lightly.  I know the type of person I am and  I shutter to think of where  I would be without God.  As I look back over my life, and more specifically over the last 4 yrs of my life, I see God’s hand at every turn.  Providing for me and my children, giving me strength when I feel like I can’t possible go on, giving me peace in the midst of trying circumstances, protecting my kids and I  in ways I can’t even imagine.  No, walking this path isn’t easy, but walking it alone, would be unthinkable!

Thinking about all this, lifted me up, brought a joy that I couldn’t explain, and led me to worship God for who He is!

The truth is, the enemy would like nothing more than for you to focus on what you don’t have, for you to focus your thoughts on how great your life would be if only this or if only that.  He loves when we compare, looking at other people’s lives like they are perfect and ours is so awful.  It alienates us from others and leaves feeling alone and unloved.  However, you can be sure he hates it when we focus on all that God has done for us.  When we remember who we are apart from Christ, when we realize that our joy is found in Christ alone. When despite circumstances that you never thought you would have to face, you still have joy and peace because you know Who God is and exactly What He has done for you.

What a difference just changing the way you finish a question can make!

The next time you begin to go down the “where would I be if….path”, change that question around and instead ask yourself where you would be without God.  Cry out to the Holy Spirit for help. Ask him to take control of your thoughts!  Keep in mind what Romans 8:6 tells us….

“The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:6

Don’t allow yourself to be brought down by thinking of where your life could be if only you had this…allow yourself to be lifted out of despair by remembering where you would be without God!



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A Fresh Reminder

psalm 77.jpg

This is not the blog post I planned to write, nor is it one that I wanted to write.  However, sometimes, something happens and although you really don’t want to write about, you know that someone else goes through the same thing and maybe, they just need to be reminded that they aren’t alone.

This past week was a rough one in our household.  Honestly, it caught me off guard.  After nearly 4 years of being a single-mom, 4 years of it being just me and my kids, we have all grown accustom  to this and it really doesn’t bother us much anymore.  Even around holidays.  In the beginning, every holiday was a challenge.  The hurt of no longer feeling complete, the hurt of abandonment was always amplified around the holidays.  A holiday became a stark reminder of what we had lost.

However, as the years went by, we began to make our own memories and God placed other people in our lives that have become like family and holidays began to be happier again.  So I was totally caught off guard earlier this week when each of us seemed to break down.  Everyone was having a bad day, everyone was in tears and everyone was fighting.  It wasn’t until one of my sons lost it and started screaming about not having a dad to teach him things, that it dawned on me….I have seen this before.

For the first couple years, every time a holiday approached we went through this.  Each of us holding our own hurt inside and then taking out our pain on each other.  However, as I said, it has gotten better and we no longer go through this much anymore.  Listening to my son was a fresh reminder of the long-lasting hurt that divorce causes.  I watched a pod cast from John Piper this week on marriage (you can watch it here) and he made a statement about the pain of divorce that was so spot on, it was unreal.  He said

 “Few things are more painful than divorce. It cuts to the depths of personhood unlike any other relational gash. It is emotionally more heart-wrenching than the death of a spouse. Death is usually clean pain. Divorce is usually dirty pain. In other words, the enormous loss of a spouse in death is compounded in divorce by the ugliness of sin and moral outrage at being so wronged.John Piper

It is often said that time heals all wounds.  That so isn’t true.  Only Jesus heals all wounds.  And deep cut wounds take time to heal.  Wounds created by the tearing apart of what was never meant to be torn,  wounds created by the tearing apart of covenant relationship are some of the deepest wounds around.  So when I was doing my bible reading it was no surprise that God had me reading Psalm 77. Just look at vs 2.

“I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord;
    my life was an open wound that wouldn’t heal.” Psalm 77:2 MSG

So what do we do when those cuts that are so thinly healed over are re-opened again?  We do just what the Psalmist said, we go looking for the Lord!  I have spent much time this past week pouring my heart out to God.  Crying out to him for strength, for peace for me and for my children.  For healing for the brokenness in our lives.  And God answered by freshly reminding me of Who He is, of all He has done in my life, of how far He has brought me.

“Once again I’ll go over what God has done,
    lay out on the table the ancient wonders;
I’ll ponder all the things you’ve accomplished,
    and give a long, loving look at your acts.

 O God! Your way is holy!
    No god is great like God!
You’re the God who makes things happen;
    you showed everyone what you can do—
You pulled your people out of the worst kind of trouble,
    rescued the children of Jacob and Joseph.”  Psalm 77:11-15 MSG

So when you are freshly reminded of the pain you have suffered, allow God to remind you of Who He is!

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Looking At Father’s Day From a New Perspective

fathers day

So yesterday I was getting my boys ready to go away for the weekend with their dad.  This is the first Father’s Day that they will actually get to spend with him since he left nearly 4 years ago.  Each year I try to make sure the kids get a little gift and a card and send it to him, but this year I was getting the stuff ready and packing it in my sons bag so that they could give it to their dad on Father’s Day morning when they woke up.  I was getting my daughter to sign the card before I packed it up and then I made a quick note in it just saying “Enjoy your day!”

My daughter turned to me and said “That’s weird. Why would you sign dad’s card?  You aren’t even married anymore”

It took me aback for a moment and then I simple told her that no matter if we were married or not, he was still their father.  If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have them.

The truth is  I may not agree with the things he has done or how he chooses to live his life, but none of that negates the fact that he is the father of my children.  I will always carry love in my heart for him because without him, I wouldn’t have the 3 most amazing kids anyone could ask for.  Our kids are made up of both of us.

So often times as single-moms I think it is easy to take a day like Father’s Day and look at it from the perspective of all that we have lost.  We are angry at our children’s father’s because we see the selfishness in their choices and  that anger spills over into a whole lot of hurt and negative emotions about the day.   Maybe we need to look at things from a different point of view.  Maybe, just maybe, if we looked at Father’s Day as a day to celebrate receiving a great treasure rather than a day of loss, we could approach the day with joy and excitement instead of hurt and dread.

Regardless of what kind of man your children’s father is now, regardless of what he is doing, or how he is living his life, he is still part of the equation to why you get to be the amazing mom you are.  Without him, you wouldn’t have your kids.  I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to imagine a life without my kids.  I love them and am thankful every day that I get to be their mom.

So tomorrow, whether you are spending it with your kids, or they are spending it with their dad, approach the day as a day of celebration for the amazing gift of your children.  God chose you to be their mother just as he chose their dad to be their father.  God doesn’t make mistakes!  Tomorrow fix your eyes on our true perfect Father in heaven, thank Him for the blessing of your children and celebrate the day!!

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For Single-moms on Mother’s Day


As I woke up this morning…I really felt like, so what, it’s Mother’s Day…just another day.  I know, that is a bad attitude to have and it sounds worse than what I meant by it.  I guess I just felt like, I am a mom every day and today isn’t any different.  I am still going to have to do laundry, cook dinner, argue with kids to take their showers and all the other things that I have to do on a daily basis.  So when I thought about writing a Mother’s Day post, I thought, I don’t feel very encouraging today!  So I looked back to what I wrote last year.  It is amazing how God uses our own words sometimes to speak to us.  I have said it a lot of times, I truly believe that God had me write this blog to talk to myself as much as to try and help others.  So since I know I needed to re-read this, I thought perhaps, this will encourage another single-mom as well again today!  Happy Mother’s Day!

One of the greatest gifts that God has ever given me is the gift of being a mom.  If you knew me back in my 20’s that statement would probably shock you.  You see for years, I swore I would never have kids.  Honestly, I thought that I would make a terrible mother. But thankfully, God knows us far better than we know ourselves.  I can’t imagine my life without my kids and I certainly never want to.

Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate our moms, but I also think it is a day to celebrate being a mom and celebrate other moms!  So today, to celebrate all the single-moms out there, I wanted to remind you of a few things you might have forgotten along the way of trying to raise your kids alone, being both mom and dad to them. I know the secret pain and stress you go through each day, because I go through it myself.  I know you doubt, you worry, you cry, I know.  But I also know that:

You Are Brave

Being a single mom takes a lot of bravery.  Whether it is dealing with spiders, mice, or bumps in the night, you are there.  You handle it because you have to.  You take those “man” jobs and you own them.  While your own heart is pounding you check everything so that your daughter who has super sonic hearing can go back to sleep knowing everything is ok.

When you have shut yourself in your room because tears are streaming down your face and you just don’t know how to go on, you bravely get up at the knock on the door, when a little voice follows saying “Mom, I need you.”

No matter how many nights you cry yourself to sleep, the next morning you get up, hold your head high and do it all over again.  You are BRAVE!

You Are Known

I love Psalm 139.  So much of this passage in The Psalms reminds us that God knows everything about us.  He has known us before we were even born, before the creation of the world.  He knows every word we say before we say it, every thought we have.  No matter where we go, He is there.

He also knows about all our hurts and holds all our tears.

Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

” You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
  You have recorded each one in your book.”

Sometimes as single-moms we feel like nobody knows what we are going  through, nobody sees our hurt, but the truth is, we are fully Known and Seen by the God who created us and knew every page of our story before it was written. He knew that we would go through this season in our lives and He gives us the strength we need to not only get through it, but to be a light to others in the process.

You Are Loved

I think one thing that many of us feel as single-moms is unloved.  Many of us have been either betrayed, abandoned, or abused by the person we were meant to spend our lives, by the person who was called to love us as Christ loved the church.  And often times, we may be the one that our children yell at because they can’t yell at their dad.  We may take the blame and be the ones who have to hear the “I hate yous and you’re the worst mom ever” and even though we know where those hurtful words come from, we always worry that they are true.

But I am here to remind you today that You Are LOVED! Not only are you loved by those precious gifts that call you mom, but you are loved by the God of the universe.  The One who created  you and all that you see.  The One who has unlimited power loves YOU intimately and He will NEVER EVER hurt you, abandon you, or betray you!

You Are Amazing

Today I want you to remember that you are Amazing!  You may be  walking a difficult path right now, but you are crushing it!  Regardless of what your past held for you, your future is bright and God has a great plan for you and for your children. Focus your attention on Him today and celebrate!  Celebrate the woman He is leading you to become, celebrate the beautiful children He gave you that made you a mom, and celebrate all the moms you know by letting them know how awesome they are!

 Happy Mother’s Day!

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Through the Fire

shadrach meshach

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”  Isaiah 43:2

All of us at some point in time have been through tough times in our lives.   Sometimes, God delivers us from these things immediately and sometimes, He walks through them with us.  There are times when we will go through the fire and God will allow it, but we never go through it alone and as Isaiah 43:2 shows us we won’t be burned.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about this in my life.  It has been nearly 4 years since my husband left and to be honest…I never thought this was a fire I would walk through.  When I first realized that my husband was thinking of leaving, I cried out to God,  sure that He would intervene and my husband wouldn’t leave, but then he left.  I was sure that God would bring him home quickly.  But as week turned into month and month turned into year and our divorce dates were looming I began to pray that God would keep me from walking through the fire of divorce.  It was not something I wanted, but the fire raged as I walked through and the divorce became a reality.

Now that all sounds pretty hopeless and sounds like maybe God ignored me, left me and allowed me to be burned in the fire.  But the truth is the exact opposite was true.  Every step of the way, God was with me and every step I take He still is.  My hope is in Him, regardless of my circumstances.  This isn’t always easy, and at times I felt like I was barely holding on by a thread.  Sometimes, I still feel that way.  It is in those moments that I feel God the most.

When I heard the new MercyMe song Even If.  I thought, wow that song totally explains exactly how I feel.  If you haven’t heard the song, you can watch the lyric video here.

The song talks about when we cry out to God to save us from the fire and instead he allows us to go through it.  The lyrics come partially from the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  In Daniel 3 we read how King Nebuchadnezzar made a statue of gold and demanded that when the music played everyone had to bow down before the statue.  Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refused and because of their refusal they were to be thrown into a blazing furnace.  Their response to  this is read in vs. 16-18

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter.  If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us[c] from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” Daniel 3:16-18

The faith of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego was amazing.  They went into the fire knowing that God could save him from the fire but it didn’t matter if He did or not, they would serve God alone regardless.  Of course as we know, they did go into the fire and they could be seen walking around in there with a fourth person.  God did not leave them alone in the fire.  When they came out, they were not burned and did not even smell of smoke as the bible tells us.

As I said at the start of this post, there are times in our lives where we are going to have to walk through  the fire.  Times when God is going to allow the river to rise and we are going to have to cross it.  We may not understand why He allows this, but we have to trust in His sovereignty.  He promises us, that He will never leave us.  Our hope is in who God is and in what Jesus accomplished for us on the cross.  Nothing can take that away from us.  Our future is secure regardless of what we walk through in this life.




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Peter or Judas

2 corn 7.10

We all have times in life when we do something that we regret, something that we are sorry for.  But, there are different kinds of being sorry and which type of sorrow we have will have a lot to do with the course our life takes from that moment forward.

The bible talks about two kinds of sorrow,

2 Corinthians 7:10
“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”

Godly sorrow or worldly sorrow
Repentance or regret
Life or death

The bible also shows us what each of these look like in the stories of Peter and Judas.

There are many similarities to Peter and Judas.  Both were apostles, both followed Jesus for 3 years, listened to the same teaching and saw the same miracles.  Both were told by Jesus that they would fail him. Both turned their backs on Jesus, Peter in his denial and Judas in his betrayal.  Both were sorry, but that is where the similarities end.  The kind of sorrow they each had was very different and led to very different outcomes.

In Matthew 26 starting in vs 69 we read the account of Peter’s denial.  In the courtyard, as he denies Jesus for the third time, swearing that he doesn’t know him,  he hears the rooster crow and immediately remembers what Jesus had told him in vs 34 of the same chapter.

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” Matthew 26:34

The Bible says that Peter went outside and “…wept bitterly“(vs.75).  They were not just tears of sorrow, they were tears of godly sorrow, tears of repentance. Sorrow for what he had done to Jesus.  Humble tears that would bring healing and put him in the position to be reinstated by Jesus in  John chapter 21.  Repentance brings restoration, it brings healing, it brings life.  We know the kind of man who Peter went on to be, bold, unwavering in his life and in his death.

Then we have Judas.  Judas, who in Luke 22 goes to the chief priests and officials and works out a plan to betray Jesus.  They agree and even offer to pay him to do it, which he consents to do.  He then awaits his moment and after being sent away from the last supper by Jesus, who predicts his betrayal to him, he infamously leads the guards to the garden where Jesus is praying and betrays him with a kiss.

I often wonder what Judas thought was going to happen to Jesus. The Bible tells us in Matthew 27 that after Jesus was condemned he was “seized with remorse and returned the silver coins to the chief priests and the elders.” vs.3. He turned to the chief priests and elders admitting his guilt and what did they do? Nothing! They placed the blame totally on him. Then Judas, feeling hopeless, went out and hung himself.

The kind of sorrow that Judas had was worldly sorrow, overwhelmed in his guilt and regret, he saw no way out but death.  How very sad. What he truly needed was Jesus!  He missed as we so often do what Jesus had been telling them for the past 3 years.  He watched Jesus forgive sins, heal the sick, feed the 5,000, and drive out demons.  He watched Jesus raise the dead, yet in his moment of remorse, he didn’t turn to the only one who could save him!

It is no different in our own lives.  So often when we have done something we regret, we turn to everything but Jesus.  We run from him when we need to run to him.

As we get ready to celebrate Easter, let’s remember what Jesus accomplished for us through his life, death, and resurrection.  Jesus already paid the price for all our sins, past, present, and future and because of that we can run to Him when we have sinned.  With the help of the Holy Spirit we can respond to our sin with godly sorrow and repentance going forth with no regrets.  The other option, respond like Judas and go down a path that leads only to death.

Lord help us!  Open our ears to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit calling us to repentance that leads to salvation so that we can go forth with no regrets!


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For Good Friday


I push through the crowd
Trying to get away
Taunts now turned to terror
As the ground gives way

Midday it may be
But it’s black as night
What once seemed like justice
Is now a gruesome sight

I heard some say
They now think it’s true
This man named Jesus,
King of the Jews

They say he truly was
The very son of God
But now he is dead
I guess evil has won.

How could they do it?
Nail him to that tree
Were they so very sure
His claims were blasphemy?

I am glad it wasn’t me
Who put those nails in his hands
I’d hate to be the one who killed the son of man
So I push through the crowd though I can barely stand
I guess it’s hard to run with this hammer in my hand.


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