Like most of us, quarantine has given me a chance to do some of those things that I always say I want to get to but never have the time to actually do. One of those things was to clean and organize my bedroom. I am sorry to say that some things in there haven’t been touched in years! Today I decided to tackle my nightstand. I started going through some of the stuff on top of it and as I opened one of the drawers to put something away, I saw a whole stack of cards. Greeting cards that were addressed to me by my ex-husband. I had honestly forgotten that they were even there. As I pulled them out of the drawer, the memory came back to when I put them there. It was not long after he had left. We both had always been the sentimental types that kept everything. We had memory boxes filled with stuff from movie stubs, to cards, to little notes that we had left each other and things the kids had made. I had gone in the boxes looking for something and found all the cards he had given me. I took them out and read through them one by one. I tried to make sense of the difference in the man who had written me such beautiful cards and the one who had just walked out on his family without even a thought. As I cried more tears than I wanted, I ended up tucking the cards away. Often after that day, I would take them out and read them and then put them away, but I could never bring myself to get rid of them.
Fast forward years later and I honestly had completely forgotten about the cards. As I took them out I almost laughed. I thought about how much those cards had meant to me at one point and how little I cared about them now. As I walked downstairs to throw them in the recycling, I couldn’t help but pause at how far God has brought me. I don’t remember when the last time I had looked at those cards was, but I know that there was a time that I would not have been able to let go of them. God in his mercy knew when the time was right for me to come across them again. What at one point in time would have brought me to tears, now didn’t move me at all.
I have spoken many times about the steps of healing that God has brought me through. I have by no means completely healed from the trauma and grief that my kids and I have suffered from abandonment and divorce, but I have come a long way! I am thankful for the times when God shows me how far He has brought me along this path. When he brings me up yet another stair, helps me get over another hurdle, and closes up one of the many wounds on my heart. Growth and healing don’t come easy and they certainly don’t come quickly, but they do come. While I will never experience complete healing from all this in this life, I know that my hope is in something far greater!
“And the King says, “Look! God and his children are together again. No more running away. Or hiding. No more crying or being lonely or afraid. No more being sick or dying. Because all those things are gone. Yes, they’re gone forever. Everything sad has come untrue. And see – I have wiped away every tear from every eye!” Jesus Storybook Bible, Sally Lloyd-Jones