Searching For Rest

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Summer has almost come to an end and before you know it, school will be back in full swing and the “leisureliness” of summer will be long gone.

Summer is normally a time of rest and relaxation.  A time to recharge from all the craziness of the school year, with homework, sports, clubs, etc. A time to just relax a bit and enjoy the sun, stay up late watching movies and sleep in when you are tired.

Summer started out that way in my house, but sometime along the way, it all changed.  So many things started happening at once.  Car troubles, stolen credit card #’s, stuff breaking around the house, projects that need to be done before the cold weather arrives, all piling up around me.  Then on top of that, one of my kids is really going through a tough time and it is causing a lot of animosity in the home and specifically with me.

I come from from work and am immediately met with fighting, arguing, and complaining.  No matter what I do, it doesn’t seem to be the right thing and honestly it has taken its toll on me. I have literally spent more time locked in my car this summer than I would ever have imagined.  Those who know me are probably giggling at this right now, because if I call them and say, I am sitting in my car…they know exactly what that means.

One day as I was sitting outside, trying to recoup from another fight, I was talking to my mom and came to the realization that I was being robbed, robbed of rest.

John 10:10 says

“The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.”  NLT

The enemy wants nothing more than to steal from me, to kill and destroy any rest that I can find.  And truth is, He has been succeeding.  Somehow it seems at times, we only remember one half of a bible verse.  All I kept thinking of was that I was being robbed of rest.  That everything inside me was being destroyed by the hurt and pain of everything going on around me.

BUT!  There is a second half of that verse.  The part that tells us that Jesus came that we will have a rich and satisfying life.  In other translations it say “..life to the full” Why is it that in the midst of hurt and pain, we so often forget?

It was then that I realized that if I wanted rest, I need to seek it, I needed to search for it.  Search for it in the only place I can find it.  In the arms of Jesus.

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”  
Matthew 11:28-30

Now I would like to say that it was just that easy, that I just gave everything over to Jesus and rest came.  The truth is I have had to fight for that rest…I know that sounds crazy, kind of like an oxymoron. But right now, it is how I feel.  I literally have to purposefully seek rest.  I need to fight against the lie in my head that I need to be doing something else.  Need to be cleaning, or getting stuff ready for school, or painting the side of the house, or finishing the painting in my daughters bedroom or cleaning the car or washing clothes or trimming trees.  I need to remind myself that I need rest, and if I don’t fight against the lies in my head that I am not enough, that I am a terrible mother, and I need to work harder, than I am never going to find rest.  I need to remember the truth.  The truth that Jesus came to give us rest. That I am always enough, apart from what I do, because Jesus died for me.  It isn’t ever going to be about anything that I do, it will always be about everything that Jesus already did!

That holds true with the issues going on with my child as well.  Nothing I do is ever going to change this child’s heart…only the work of the Holy Spirit can do that.

So in the midst of chaos, in the midst of hurt, of pain, of lies, I search for rest.  In the midst of literally feeling like I am falling apart, I search for rest, for strength, for peace.  Whether that is sitting outside crying out to God, listening to worship music or pouring over the scriptures to remind myself of truth, whatever allows me to carve out rest, that is what I need to do.

 

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