Not Where I Thought I Would Be

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So today is my birthday. There is nothing like a birthday to get you thinking back over your life and thinking about where you are and where you are going.  Today I turn 45…it is hard to believe.  Not that 45 is a huge milestone, but in a way it is.  I think back over my “milestone” birthdays.  30 was probably one of my best years ever.  I was still a newlywed and was expecting our first child.  35, we had just come through a rough patch in our marriage and we decided to go on a big trip for our 5 yr anniversary, my 35th birthday and my husband’s 30th birthday, so about a month before my birthday we traveled to the UK spending a week in London and  a day in Paris.  It was an amazing trip, almost like a second honeymoon and from that point on, our marriage felt much that way as well.  The rough spot had brought us closer than ever.  When I turned 40, my husband threw me a surprise party, he even managed to track down my uncle whom I had not seen since I was a little girl and had him come to the party.  For the most part my life seemed really good.  But if I am completely honest, my life was also filled with a lot of fear and insecurity.

So now, here I am, at my 45th birthday.  And I  can say this is certainly not where I thought  I would be at this point in my life.  Of course nobody really plans on being a single-mom.   Never would I have dreamed that the love of my life was going to walk out on me, divorce me, and leave me to raise 3 kids on my own.   However, none of this takes God by surprise, I may not have thought this is where I would be, but He KNEW this is where I would be.  And you know what?  He has met me here every step of the way.  To look at my life now, it doesn’t always “look” very good or very secure, but I feel more secure than I did then because I have come to a place of KNOWING that God has me in his hands.  That He is in control even when everything looks like it is out of control.

As I go through today, another milestone birthday, it may not “look” as good as the others, I may not be where I thought I would be but, I can honestly say that I wouldn’t trade where I am now or the relationship I have with God for where I thought I would be.  Life doesn’t always go as we have planned, but it always goes as He has planned.  I am thankful for that!

 

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