This morning as I was getting ready for work and thinking about some things going on in my life I started to allow some anger to creep in. I try hard not to let this happen, especially when the anger is directed at my “ex-husband” but this morning it was knocking on my door.
You see, yesterday I went and applied for a loan to get a “new” vehicle…new to us that is. The van I have had for the past 14 years is really on its way out and every time I turn around I am having to put more and more money into it. I wanted to get something that would be big enough for our family as well as reliable. Of course that combo isn’t cheap and so I had to look into a loan. Honestly, the thought of adding a car loan to the mix scares me. I just recently started working and the job I am working is not permanent at this time. As this was going through my head this morning as well as the thought of school supplies looming and school clothes I was really starting to freak out.
As I was thinking about that, an e-mail that my “ex” sent last week popped into my head. You see he has always been a huge music fan and he loves concerts. There is even one band that he practically follows around and these tickets don’t come cheap…I mean I am talking around $200 a pop. In the e-mail he had made a comment about saving his money to go to as many shows as he can with the new tour this band is starting next year. That is when I started to let my anger get the best of me. Here I am worrying about having a safe reliable vehicle for my kids and he drives around in a brand new company car…here I am worrying about how I am going to buy school clothes and he is worried about how many concerts he gets to go to. Here I am working hard and basically doing nothing all summer long while he travels around the country on vacation doing things that aren’t even an option for me. That quickly can transcend into deeper pain about how I am raising 3 kids alone while he walked out on us and wanders around with his girlfriend, living large. Now if I let those thoughts take root…boy that can be a dangerous place to be.
So what do we do when those thoughts come in, how do we let go of that kind of anger? Well I did the same thing that I always do when the enemy tries to put me on the slippery slide to self-pity. I thought about things from a better perspective. God will gladly show you if you ask him. So I cried out to God and said Lord help!
He responded so quickly to me. And as he always does when this begins to happen, he asks me questions like these….
- Would there be anything on this earth that would be worth not having your children with you ever day? my answer NO! There is nothing on this earth that means more to me than having my kids with me. Than seeing them grow up, than being there with them every day and laughing with them, seeing their smiles and feeling their hugs.
- Would you want to go through this life apart from me? my answer NO! How Lord could I go through this life without you? Why would I ever want to? You are my everything!
- Do you think the grass is greener on the other side of my will? my answer NO! I would not want to be on the other side of your will Lord, that never turns out well.
- Have I taken care of you these past 3 years, have I been there and made sure you were taken care of? Yes Lord, you have done amazing things and you have provided and supported and cared for us each step of the way.
- Do I change? Am I going to stop taking care of you all the sudden? Do you think I am going to run out of resources? No Lord, you don’t change and you will always take care of us, your resources are endless.
- Are the “pleasures” of this life anything compared to the life I have planned for you? No Lord, nothing compares to the life you have planned for me.
You see, while it may look like he is living the high life, really, it isn’t a life I would want. He may get to wake up and go where ever he wants each day but I get to wake up and look into the faces of my children. While he is wandering around the country doing different things, he does them without one of the greatest treasures he was ever given…his children. From the world’s perspective it may look like I got the short end of the stick, but from God’s perspective, I have more than I could ever ask for. There is a quote I once read from Christian Rapper Lecrae, he said
“You can live life like there’s no tomorrow, but tomorrow is still there when you wake up, full of consequences.” Lecrae
You see, living life in the fast lane, having fun and ignoring the life that God has called you to may seem great at the time, but the truth is, one day, we will wake up and face the consequences for those actions. The bible is clear that we will all have to give an account to God.
“Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God.” Romans 14:12 NLT
I don’t know about you, but I would rather live my life for God and have the peace and joy that only comes from him than to run with the things of this world and have to wake up to the consequences of those actions. Nothing in this world will ever be able to fill the emptiness inside us, only God can do that. So when we chase after the “fun” of this world, we are chasing shadows that will never give us what we are longing for deep inside.
When I begin to look at things from God’s perspective I see that the person who is really losing out, the person who really got the short end of the stick isn’t me at all. It is then that my anger disappears and in its place is the steady peace of God and joy in knowing that He has blessed me far more than I know.
This is awesome, Kris. I miss your wisdom. I hope to see you soon.
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Thank you so much! I miss you too! We have to try and get together soon!