This morning as I was standing in my kitchen eating breakfast, I was singing a song that was in my head from a worship service earlier this week at church. If you want to look it up the song is “Pursue / All I Need Is You (Medley)” by Hillsong Young and Free. The lines that stuck with me so much were:
Lead me to you
Forever, lord, I will pursue
I will pursue
You’ve won my heart
Jesus, you’re all that I want
All that I want
I have been singing that chorus over and over and this morning I started thinking about why? I quickly realized that the reason it resonated so much with me is because it truly expressed my heart’s desire…Jesus. Now to be completely honest….I have not always felt that way. Although I have been a Christian for many years and have gone though many ups and downs in my faith, I don’t think it was until I went through the horror and betrayal of my husband leaving that I really began to fall in love with Jesus in a way I had never experienced before. My heart was broken, I felt so lost, and all I truly wanted was to be loved. It was then, as I spent more and more time in prayer, worship, and reading my Bible that I realized that I already was loved. The love I so longed for, the love that would never leave, the love that would never betray, the love that would hold me close was a love that I already had. The love of Jesus. The more I sought Jesus, the more I pursued Him, the more in love with Him I fell.
It is not an easy path to walk, recovering from an unwanted divorce and deciding to follow the path God leads you on. It can be a hard path, especially when it is contrary to what most everyone else thinks you should do. Everyone says, go on with your life…my response…I have, I am going on with my life with Jesus. People ask why I still wear my wedding band…my response…because to take it off means I am available and God has clearly told me I am not..I wear it as a reminder, that I am God’s, I belong to Him and I want to follow his plan. In my pursuit of Jesus, I have come to a place where He is all that I want. I don’t always totally understand and if I begin to think about the future too much, I can get freaked out and scared. I don’t necessarily want to spend the rest of my life alone, but I know that I don’t want to live a second of my life without Jesus. When I start to get scared, I back out of thinking too far ahead and I turn my eyes to Jesus. I focus on Him, I pursue Him with all my heart. It is then that I can rest and know that He is always with me and whatever plan God has for me, is going to be far better than anything I could come up with.
Maybe you have had to go through the pain of an unwanted divorce or separation. Or maybe, you are in a tough marriage. None of these are fun or easy places to be. The best thing I can tell you is this…fall in love with Jesus. Pursue him with all that is in you. Make him your first love and you will find that his love is the only love that you can’t live without!