The Lie of “you deserve better…”


Today I am going to do something that I don’t usually do on my blog, I’m going to let off some steam!

A few days ago I read a letter online that really put me over the edge when I read it.  Now I am not going to go into much of the content of the letter because it is, in and of itself, about something different from the point I am making, but, regardless, the comment that angered me was there.

The guy who wrote the letter  was basically saying that he was leaving his wife and his comment alluded to the fact that the reason he was doing it was because he wasn’t what she needed.  Basically, he was saying he was leaving his wife and their 2 children for her benefit.

Really?  I mean come on! You are leaving your wife, the woman you have committed yourself to, the woman you made a covenant before God with, the woman you promised to love no matter what and then you tell her you are doing it for her?!  Ugh that makes me want to scream!!! Obviously this person has never been on the receiving end of this.  He must have no idea the hurt and pain that his wife and children will/are experiencing.

How many wives(or husbands) have heard a statement like that?  I know I did.  I can remember my husband telling me that I deserved better than him.  Well he was right!  But, what I deserved was for him to be that someone better!

What I deserved was a husband who was willing to bail on his pride rather than on his family.  What I deserved was a man who was willing to say, I am not the husband I should be and I need help.  What I deserved was a husband who would do what it takes to become the man I deserved by humbling himself and crying out to God for help.  And my husband deserved the same from me.  The problem lies when one person decides they no longer want to put their spouse first, they think the way to find “love” is to put their own wants first. They decide that their “feelings” are more important than the covenant they made before God.

Statements like “you deserve better” or ” I’m not what you need” are nothing more than a  cop-out.  A way to continue on in sin while trying to ease the guilt by making it look like you are caring more about your spouse than you do yourself.  Give me a BREAK!  It is nothing more than pure selfishness wrapped up in a bow of “caring”

So to this husband and any other husbands(or wives) who try to say they are leaving for the benefit of their spouse…I say this:  You aren’t fooling anyone! If you truly believe that you are not what your spouse needs…then become the person they need!  If you believe you are not the person that they deserve then become the person they deserve!    This is not something that any of us can do in our own strength, but we serve a God who tells us we can do ALL things with him. (Philippians 4:13).  On the other hand if you are saying this because  of adultery or because you think the grass is greener on the other side…I say this to you….the grass is NEVER greener on the other side of God’s will.  The hurt and pain that this will cause to your spouse, your children if you have them, and yourself is far beyond what you are telling yourself.    Thinking that your spouse and children are better off without you is a lie from the pit of hell.  Cry out to God, no matter what situation you are in, He loves you, He loves your family, He is listening (Psalm 18:6) and He will help you through whatever you are facing.

For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13


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